Celebrate Your Truth On National Coming Out Day

Dear Pride Family,

It has taken me a long time to be okay with saying those words: “I am gay.” There is so much about coming out that can be said, but what is most certainly true, is that it is a process. First, you have to come out to YOURSELF. You must be willing to take the leap toward a more authentic life by acknowledging that moment when you knew you were different.  Then, you have to come out to the WORLD. Because the only way you’re going to get that “more authentic life” is by LIVING IT.  Fiercely. Without hiding. Without worrying about being “found out”. But most of all …Without fear.  

Fear is what kept me from being my most authentic self. It’s an interesting experience being out to some people in your life, but not to everyone. It’s like being at a crowded party, and in the middle of the room is a glass box. I’m able to see and interact and have fun with everyone, but I can’t leave the box. And I want to leave. Because life is outside of the box!  And love is outside of the box!  And the only way to have ANY of that is to leave the box, to shatter it and break it into a million little pieces. Only then would I finally be free.  

But the only way to break through, to have my “authentic life”, to join my friends at the party is to come out to everyone. At that point, the glass box is not a symbol of oppression, but became much more.  

It’s the whole history of my family. It was my parents’ faith, the life they envisioned for me. To tell my truth, would mean shattering all I’ve ever known into a million little pieces. I justified staying in the closet for as long as I did by saying that it would protect my loved ones from the shards of my secrets. But all it was was fear. Fear of disappointing my family. Fear that I am not enough. Fear that I will not be loved for who I am, as I am. 

Ultimately, what helped me break out of my glass box is that everyone I wanted was on the other side of fear. Picking up the shattered pieces and turning them into a mosaic of queer joy and community that is my life now. 

For those that are still inside their own glass boxes, I want to say this: I see you. You deserve love. You are loved. You are brave. You deserve to celebrate your queerness, and have it celebrated in the daylight. It is difficult and scary to shatter the glass box, but just know that your community will be there to help you pick up the pieces. 

Joe Fejeran (he/him)
Community Programs Coordinator