Dear Pride Family,
My name is Franklin, and I have a confession to make: I just recently learned that I am not gay.
I know, I know… clutch your pearls.
I tend to take people on a case-by-case basis. Some call that bisexuality. Some call it pansexuality. But according to an audience member in a stand-up comedy clip I recently watched, one thing is apparently certain: bi people aren’t gay.
The clip begins with comedian Colin Armstrong talking about discovering that a longtime friend was homophobic. An audience member eventually shares that she likes women and identifies as gay, only to have her friend interrupt:
“She’s bi.”
The woman responds quietly: “She’s invalidating me.”
And there it is.
Beneath the humor and awkwardness is something many LGBTQIA+ people know well: having someone else decide whether the language you use for yourself is valid.
Language matters. Finding a word that describes something you have felt your entire life can be liberating. It can help us understand ourselves, find community, and realize we are not alone.
But labels should be doors into a community, not fences around it.
When we become more invested in protecting strict definitions than listening to someone’s lived experience, we risk turning language meant to connect us into a tool for gatekeeping.
I’m attracted to nonbinary people, women, and men. One of those truths doesn’t erase another, and the words I use to describe myself don’t require someone else’s approval.
Our LGBTQIA+ community has always contained multitudes. Some of us embrace one label. Some embrace several. Our language may evolve as we better understand ourselves. And some of us prefer no label at all.
There is room for all of us.
So, after careful consideration, I have an announcement: No yeah… I’m still gay. Ok, you can let go of your pearls now. Oh, and don’t heckle. That’s rude.
.
Stay human,
Franklin Younger (they/them)
Staff Accountant
Franklin is a long time San Diego county resident. In addition to their passion for accounting, they are also passionate about writing and recording music. The voice is their instrument of choice. They co-host a podcast called “Unconditional Love”, where guests are asked to describe their coming out experiences, which can be found on Spotify or wherever you listen to podcasts.
